One of the things that clients often talk about is contentment. They struggle to really be content with where they are, who they are, what they have, and on and on. I think that most of us have struggled with that at one point or another in our lives.
In Philippians 4:11, Paul writes, "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances."
If you go back and look up what the word "learned" means in the original language, you will find that it is the kind of learning that is a process. Further, it is a process of learning that ends with the learner actually being different. An inside change. Not cosmetic. Not putting on an act. It is a deep down inside contentment.
But because it is a process, it didn't happen overnight. We don't know what kind of a person Paul was before his conversion. What we do know is that he learned to be content. We can also learn to be content.
Rabbi Hyman Schachtel is credited with saying, "Happiness is not having what you want. It is wanting what you have."
It takes a shift in thinking, among other things, to become content. It may also take working through some issues to discover where the discontentment came from or where you're stuck. You may have some depression or anxiety that needs to be dealt with, or possibly some obsessive thinking.
Once those things are taken care of, then it is a matter of focusing on the good in what you do have. Look for the good in your life, starting with the God that you serve. Then look at the good people in your life who bring you joy. Look at the needs you have that are being met.
I'm not suggesting that you go into denial and don't think about the difficult circumstances. Of course you should. But think about them in constructive ways. What can I do to change this situation? What can I learn from this?
Think about the difficulty, but focus on the good thing. Many times in difficult situations it is tempting to focus on the difficulty.
Welcome to the Cornerstone Counseling blog! We all are on a journey in our lives, and the road is marked with joy, pain, challenge, failure, success, concern, and peace. Along the way, our experiences offer us opportunities to grow and learn. For the Christian, it is important to have a Biblical perspective on the issues that we deal with. What you will read here is "food for thought" that may help you move toward healthy living, more contentment, and abundant living.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
Helping Children Deal with Grief
Loss is a part of life. We all face losses of different types all along our journey, and some of those losses happen when we are still children.
I often have parents ask me, "How do I help my child deal with this loss?" Questions often center around dealing with funeral attendance, talking about the person that died, dealing with emotions, talking about death. Those are good questions, and here are some of my thoughts and opinions:
1) If you plan to include children in the funeral service, explain to them ahead of time what it is and what they can expect to see there (i.e. the body in the casket, flowers, etc.). My personal preference is to not have children younger than four at the service, but parents have to make that decision themselves.
2) Children should absolutely be involved in the family gatherings. It is good for them to see that loss can occur and that the family is still together and supporting each other.
3) Talking about the death is helpful, and parents should talk honestly and openly. It is not a good idea to tell children that "grandpa went to sleep and is in heaven," because that may make the child fearful of going to sleep. Be honest.
"Grandpa was sick, not the same thing as when we get a cold or a tummy ache. He'd been sick for a long time and he wasn't getting well. So he went to be with Jesus in heaven."
"There was a bad accident, and Aunt Jill died."
"Grandma was very old, and her body got worn out. When that happens, people's bodies just don't work quite right, and they die. That's what happened to Grandma. She died and went to heaven."
4) Answer children's questions as best you can in an age-appropriate manner. Don't give too much information, and be aware that questions may come up over the course of weeks/months, so one conversation about it will probably not be enough. Let the child set the pace.
5) It is also okay for you to talk about your own feelings with your child. It is good for them to understand that you are feeling sad, so that they can observe you getting through the pain. They will understand from that, that death is a part of life, that life goes on, and that after a loss we can feel joy again.
6) Allow the children to talk about the person has died. Don't remove their pictures from your home. It is good to talk about happy times with grandpa or the camping trip with Aunt Jill. It helps the child to remember that they still have that person in their memories and their hearts.
7) Sometimes it can be helpful for a child to do some sort of activity as a part of their grieving. Make a scrapbook of fun times with the deceased person. Make a memory box. Plant a tree or some flowers. Write in a journal or write a letter to the person and read it out loud. Anything that is meaningful to the child.
8) Finally, there are some books that you can read to the child that may be very helpful. Check with online sources or your local bookstore, but here are a few titles to get you started:
Sarah's Grandma Goes to Heaven by Maribeth Boelts
The Goodbye Boat by Mary Joslin
Talk to Me Grandpa! Talk to Me! by Dawn Bernstrom Fullerton
Sarah's Grandma Goes to Heaven by Maribeth Boelts
After the Funeral by Jane Winch
Summerland: A Story about Death and Hope by Eyvind Skeie
It is very important that children grieve in a healthy way, because it sets the tone for how they will deal with loss throughout their lives.
I often have parents ask me, "How do I help my child deal with this loss?" Questions often center around dealing with funeral attendance, talking about the person that died, dealing with emotions, talking about death. Those are good questions, and here are some of my thoughts and opinions:
1) If you plan to include children in the funeral service, explain to them ahead of time what it is and what they can expect to see there (i.e. the body in the casket, flowers, etc.). My personal preference is to not have children younger than four at the service, but parents have to make that decision themselves.
2) Children should absolutely be involved in the family gatherings. It is good for them to see that loss can occur and that the family is still together and supporting each other.
3) Talking about the death is helpful, and parents should talk honestly and openly. It is not a good idea to tell children that "grandpa went to sleep and is in heaven," because that may make the child fearful of going to sleep. Be honest.
"Grandpa was sick, not the same thing as when we get a cold or a tummy ache. He'd been sick for a long time and he wasn't getting well. So he went to be with Jesus in heaven."
"There was a bad accident, and Aunt Jill died."
"Grandma was very old, and her body got worn out. When that happens, people's bodies just don't work quite right, and they die. That's what happened to Grandma. She died and went to heaven."
4) Answer children's questions as best you can in an age-appropriate manner. Don't give too much information, and be aware that questions may come up over the course of weeks/months, so one conversation about it will probably not be enough. Let the child set the pace.
5) It is also okay for you to talk about your own feelings with your child. It is good for them to understand that you are feeling sad, so that they can observe you getting through the pain. They will understand from that, that death is a part of life, that life goes on, and that after a loss we can feel joy again.
6) Allow the children to talk about the person has died. Don't remove their pictures from your home. It is good to talk about happy times with grandpa or the camping trip with Aunt Jill. It helps the child to remember that they still have that person in their memories and their hearts.
7) Sometimes it can be helpful for a child to do some sort of activity as a part of their grieving. Make a scrapbook of fun times with the deceased person. Make a memory box. Plant a tree or some flowers. Write in a journal or write a letter to the person and read it out loud. Anything that is meaningful to the child.
8) Finally, there are some books that you can read to the child that may be very helpful. Check with online sources or your local bookstore, but here are a few titles to get you started:
Sarah's Grandma Goes to Heaven by Maribeth Boelts
The Goodbye Boat by Mary Joslin
Talk to Me Grandpa! Talk to Me! by Dawn Bernstrom Fullerton
Sarah's Grandma Goes to Heaven by Maribeth Boelts
After the Funeral by Jane Winch
Summerland: A Story about Death and Hope by Eyvind Skeie
It is very important that children grieve in a healthy way, because it sets the tone for how they will deal with loss throughout their lives.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Time Out!
Sometimes the couples that I counsel talk very early on in the counseling process about their pattern of conflict. Often their arguments escalate until one or both of them are over the top angry. Rather than the problem being solved, it becomes more and more complicated as emotions get out of control and hurtful words are unleashed.
Since one of my goals is to help people to communicate better, I offer some tips to help clients learn to deal with big anger. When you get to the point of anger where you are literally in "fight or flight" mode, you are probably not going to talk rationally and it is not a good idea to continue.
So what should you do? Take a time out! Take a "purposeful time out." A purposeful time out is not storming out of the house and peeling rubber in the driveway.
Signal your partner that you need a time out by labeling it as a time out and giving it a end point target. Say something like, "I can see that we are both angry so let's take a time out and we'll talk about this in an hour." Or "I am feeling angry, and I don't want to make the problem worse. Give me an hour and I'll come back and talk to you about this at 5:00."
Then you take the time out and at the designated time you come back and try again. If the anger escalates again, you take another time out.
Here are some tips for what to do during the time out:
1) Remember that the purpose of a time out is prepare yourself to be able to come back and solve the problem with your partner.
2) Preparation for coming back together involves calming yourself down. Go for a walk. Journal. Pray. Do whatever it is that helps you to calm down.
3) Preparation for continuing to talk also involves preparing what you want to say. Think about how to share with your partner your concerns and your feelings about the problem. Do this with respect. No name calling or labeling. No bringing up the past. No use of trigger words such as "always" and "never."
4) Also use the time out to try to see the problem from your partner's point of view. Work on empathy for him or her.
5) Focus on the good about your partner. Is he a good provider? Is she generally nurturing and caring? Is she generally helpful? Is he a good father? Do you enjoy her jokes? Does he usually make you feel loved? Those are things that can help you to frame the problem in a way that can lead to a healthy discussion and then a positive outcome.
Remember that when you continue on and let anger escalate, the damage done can be devastating. You may say things that will hurt your partner and you may hear things that are hard to forget. Time outs will help minimize the damage.
Since one of my goals is to help people to communicate better, I offer some tips to help clients learn to deal with big anger. When you get to the point of anger where you are literally in "fight or flight" mode, you are probably not going to talk rationally and it is not a good idea to continue.
So what should you do? Take a time out! Take a "purposeful time out." A purposeful time out is not storming out of the house and peeling rubber in the driveway.
Signal your partner that you need a time out by labeling it as a time out and giving it a end point target. Say something like, "I can see that we are both angry so let's take a time out and we'll talk about this in an hour." Or "I am feeling angry, and I don't want to make the problem worse. Give me an hour and I'll come back and talk to you about this at 5:00."
Then you take the time out and at the designated time you come back and try again. If the anger escalates again, you take another time out.
Here are some tips for what to do during the time out:
1) Remember that the purpose of a time out is prepare yourself to be able to come back and solve the problem with your partner.
2) Preparation for coming back together involves calming yourself down. Go for a walk. Journal. Pray. Do whatever it is that helps you to calm down.
3) Preparation for continuing to talk also involves preparing what you want to say. Think about how to share with your partner your concerns and your feelings about the problem. Do this with respect. No name calling or labeling. No bringing up the past. No use of trigger words such as "always" and "never."
4) Also use the time out to try to see the problem from your partner's point of view. Work on empathy for him or her.
5) Focus on the good about your partner. Is he a good provider? Is she generally nurturing and caring? Is she generally helpful? Is he a good father? Do you enjoy her jokes? Does he usually make you feel loved? Those are things that can help you to frame the problem in a way that can lead to a healthy discussion and then a positive outcome.
Remember that when you continue on and let anger escalate, the damage done can be devastating. You may say things that will hurt your partner and you may hear things that are hard to forget. Time outs will help minimize the damage.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Grief and Loss
Loss is a part of life, and we all experience it. Some people just keep going and "stuff" those feelings. Some people allow themselves to feel the pain. If you have experienced a loss, there are some things to keep in mind as you go through the grieving process.
1) It isn't helpful to stuff the feelings. If you do, then you are carrying the grief with you and the grief actually will get bigger over time. The next time you experience a loss, the stuffed feelings will now be compounded with the new loss. It is important to let yourself grieve with each loss.
2) Remember that the feelings of sadness, anger, shock, and guilt are all a part of the grieving process.
3) It is very important to take care of yourself during this time. Make sure you are getting nutrition even if it is only a few bites per meal. Sleep regularly. Get some exercise several times a week. Nutrition, sleep and exercise are essential ingredients to staying well during this time of loss.
4) This is a time to really allow those around you to help you and comfort you. Don't isolate, even though you may feel like doing that. While some "alone" time may be good and healthy, try to balance that with time spent with others. Allow family and friends to help out and comfort. A meal. A cup of tea. A chat. Anything that is an expression of nurture and care.
5) Remember that grieving is a process that takes time. How long it takes depends upon many factors. There is no timetable. Be patient with yourself, and don't allow the impatience of others ("Aren't you ever going to move on?") to dictate how long you grieve.
Sometimes it may be helpful to reach out to a pastor or a counselor to help you through the grieving process. It is important to be able to talk about your loss and the myriad of feelings in a place that is safe and nurturing.
1) It isn't helpful to stuff the feelings. If you do, then you are carrying the grief with you and the grief actually will get bigger over time. The next time you experience a loss, the stuffed feelings will now be compounded with the new loss. It is important to let yourself grieve with each loss.
2) Remember that the feelings of sadness, anger, shock, and guilt are all a part of the grieving process.
3) It is very important to take care of yourself during this time. Make sure you are getting nutrition even if it is only a few bites per meal. Sleep regularly. Get some exercise several times a week. Nutrition, sleep and exercise are essential ingredients to staying well during this time of loss.
4) This is a time to really allow those around you to help you and comfort you. Don't isolate, even though you may feel like doing that. While some "alone" time may be good and healthy, try to balance that with time spent with others. Allow family and friends to help out and comfort. A meal. A cup of tea. A chat. Anything that is an expression of nurture and care.
5) Remember that grieving is a process that takes time. How long it takes depends upon many factors. There is no timetable. Be patient with yourself, and don't allow the impatience of others ("Aren't you ever going to move on?") to dictate how long you grieve.
Sometimes it may be helpful to reach out to a pastor or a counselor to help you through the grieving process. It is important to be able to talk about your loss and the myriad of feelings in a place that is safe and nurturing.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Change Your Thoughts
The Bible is filled with scriptures about thoughts and how they affect us. Here are a few:
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8
For as as a man thinks within himself, so he is. Proverbs 23:7
We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
II Corinthians 10:5
For as as a man thinks within himself, so he is. Proverbs 23:7
We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
II Corinthians 10:5
I believe that our thoughts can affect deeply how we feel. I often tell people, if you change how you think then you will change how you feel. That may seem like a very simplistic approach, but it is a useful tool in dealing with many situations in our lives. That may be why recovery programs often deal a lot with what they call "stinkin' thinkin' that causes people to stay stuck.
Let's look at why changing your thinking can change how you feel.
I think of the feeling (depression or anxiety for example) as a "fire." The fire is fueled by thoughts. If I think depressed thoughts, I will increase my depression. If I think anxious thoughts, I will increase my anxiety.
This is in no way to say that the way I think will necessarily change my situation. But it is to say that thinking in a healthy way can help the depressed or anxious feelings to lessen or not become worse.
For example, in the case of anxiety, what does the Apostle Paul write?
Let's look at why changing your thinking can change how you feel.
I think of the feeling (depression or anxiety for example) as a "fire." The fire is fueled by thoughts. If I think depressed thoughts, I will increase my depression. If I think anxious thoughts, I will increase my anxiety.
This is in no way to say that the way I think will necessarily change my situation. But it is to say that thinking in a healthy way can help the depressed or anxious feelings to lessen or not become worse.
For example, in the case of anxiety, what does the Apostle Paul write?
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
Paul says not to be anxious, and he says to talk to God about our situation. He says to be thankful. If we do those things we will have peace.
If I am thinking thankful thoughts, it is much more likely that I will see God and His ability to be at work in my life. If I see Him at work in my life, it is much more likely that I will understand that He is in control of my current situation. If I see Him in control of my current situation, I am much more likely to feel less anxious.
Obviously, there are many things that may make it difficult to think that way. That is where a therapist or pastor may be able to help you "get there."
You can't always change your situation, but if you change the way you think, you may be able to go through it with less anxiety or depression.
Food for thought!
If I am thinking thankful thoughts, it is much more likely that I will see God and His ability to be at work in my life. If I see Him at work in my life, it is much more likely that I will understand that He is in control of my current situation. If I see Him in control of my current situation, I am much more likely to feel less anxious.
Obviously, there are many things that may make it difficult to think that way. That is where a therapist or pastor may be able to help you "get there."
You can't always change your situation, but if you change the way you think, you may be able to go through it with less anxiety or depression.
Food for thought!
Friday, June 11, 2010
What Can You Change?
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
This prayer is commonly called the "Serenity Prayer." It has been used widely as a way of helping people to find peace. While I don't believe that the prayer alone can help us find peace, I do believe that it holds some nuggets of truth which can be helpful when we feel "stuck."
Sometimes when we are in the midst of a difficult situation, it is easy to begin to feel overwhelmed by the enormity of what we're facing. We look at the big picture, and we feel like we are facing a giant. Sometimes we are. Many times we are.
One of the things I like to do is to encourage people to break the situation down into manageable chunks. In other words, don't try to solve your problem in one sweep. Instead, is there a part of the problem that you could make a change in order to help with the situation? If there is, then work on that part.
Every year after Christmas, our family takes down our Christmas tree and packs up the lights and ornaments for use the following year. With the following year in mind, I always take the job of carefully winding up the ten strings of lights and placing them in the box so that the following year we just simply unwind them and aren't faced with a tangled mess of lights that can take an hour to untangle.
As careful as I am, each year the lights are completely tangled up and I am found sitting at the kitchen table untangling them. I have become somewhat of an expert.
What I have discovered about untangling lights can be helpful in untangling the situations in our lives.
1) Work on one strand at a time. Catch the end of it and follow it, unloop it, and pull it through until it is completely free from the pile.
In life, what that means is identify a piece of the bigger problem that can be resolved, and work to resolve that. For example, let's say you are dealing with a college age child whose car needs a transmission, but he has no money to fix it and wants you to fix it. You are already stretched to the maximum, and can't help. You may not be able to solve his car problems, but you might be able to get him a bus pass to get him back and forth to college. That is an example of solving one part of the problem. It doesn't fix the whole thing (doesn't fix the transmission), but it eases some of the pain of the situation.
2) Don't get distracted by the pile.
In life, what it means is that you can focus on the part of the problem that you are currently working on instead of worrying about whether you will solve the big problem. If you spend your time focusing only on the big problem, you will be back at being overwhelmed again.
3) Have patience.
Problems don't happen overnight. Even problems that appear out of nowhere have usually been brewing for a long time. It takes time to solve problems, and it takes a lot of work. Keep your eye on what you CAN do, and don't fret about what you can't.
4) Untangling is work. Untangling doesn't just magically happen on its own.
What that means in life is that it will take work to make changes that can help alleviate a difficult situation. Sometimes the changes in themselves are painful. Sometimes the changes can even seem to make things worse at first. Keep going. Trust God and trust His voice leading you and directing you.
In most every situation there are changes which can be made. Look for those things, and begin to do the work. You will be surprised that at some point those changes will pay off and you'll find yourself in a healthier place!
Try it!
Sometimes when we are in the midst of a difficult situation, it is easy to begin to feel overwhelmed by the enormity of what we're facing. We look at the big picture, and we feel like we are facing a giant. Sometimes we are. Many times we are.
One of the things I like to do is to encourage people to break the situation down into manageable chunks. In other words, don't try to solve your problem in one sweep. Instead, is there a part of the problem that you could make a change in order to help with the situation? If there is, then work on that part.
Every year after Christmas, our family takes down our Christmas tree and packs up the lights and ornaments for use the following year. With the following year in mind, I always take the job of carefully winding up the ten strings of lights and placing them in the box so that the following year we just simply unwind them and aren't faced with a tangled mess of lights that can take an hour to untangle.
As careful as I am, each year the lights are completely tangled up and I am found sitting at the kitchen table untangling them. I have become somewhat of an expert.
What I have discovered about untangling lights can be helpful in untangling the situations in our lives.
1) Work on one strand at a time. Catch the end of it and follow it, unloop it, and pull it through until it is completely free from the pile.
In life, what that means is identify a piece of the bigger problem that can be resolved, and work to resolve that. For example, let's say you are dealing with a college age child whose car needs a transmission, but he has no money to fix it and wants you to fix it. You are already stretched to the maximum, and can't help. You may not be able to solve his car problems, but you might be able to get him a bus pass to get him back and forth to college. That is an example of solving one part of the problem. It doesn't fix the whole thing (doesn't fix the transmission), but it eases some of the pain of the situation.
2) Don't get distracted by the pile.
In life, what it means is that you can focus on the part of the problem that you are currently working on instead of worrying about whether you will solve the big problem. If you spend your time focusing only on the big problem, you will be back at being overwhelmed again.
3) Have patience.
Problems don't happen overnight. Even problems that appear out of nowhere have usually been brewing for a long time. It takes time to solve problems, and it takes a lot of work. Keep your eye on what you CAN do, and don't fret about what you can't.
4) Untangling is work. Untangling doesn't just magically happen on its own.
What that means in life is that it will take work to make changes that can help alleviate a difficult situation. Sometimes the changes in themselves are painful. Sometimes the changes can even seem to make things worse at first. Keep going. Trust God and trust His voice leading you and directing you.
In most every situation there are changes which can be made. Look for those things, and begin to do the work. You will be surprised that at some point those changes will pay off and you'll find yourself in a healthier place!
Try it!
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Decisions, Decisions
One of the things that I always tell people is not to make decisions, especially really important, life-changing decisions when you are emotional. Sometimes you are forced to, of course, but if possible, always make decisions from a calm and collected place.
In making decisions, here are some things to consider:
1) I am a big believer in getting feedback from those in my life that I trust. We all need to develop at least two or three relationships with people who we know love us and want the best for us. Those who love us enough to be honest with us. My preference is to get feedback from someone who has a close relationship with God and knows and lives by His word.
Getting feedback helps you to see a different perspective. If you were to tell a particular situation to a group of ten people, everyone would have a slightly different take on it. That is a GOOD thing, because we often have tunnel vision in seeing the things we face in our lives. Getting feedback from others gives us a broader perspective and it also may generate solutions that we haven't even thought of before!
2) Don't make decisions hastily. Take your time. If you are making a decision from a place of urgency ("we must file bankruptcy today" or "we have to move to Indiana NOW") then you probably are not working with a clear head. Realize that the vast majority of the decisions that we make don't have to be made TODAY, and if we are having an urgent feeling we are much more likely to make a decision we will regret.
Of course, there are times when we have to decide immediately. All I am saying is to be very careful in rushing to a decision in the midst of a crisis. Whenever possible, take your time and think carefully.
3) Look for all the alternatives in making a decision. Talk with people, both friends and professionals. Ask for information and advice. You will much more likely make a good choice if you are armed with as much information as possible.
4) Ask yourself if the choice you are considering lines up with your moral code, ethical standards, and religious beliefs. In my case, I check my thinking against what the Bible says. If I am not thinking/acting in accordance with my core beliefs, it will be something I will regret down the road.
Be true to good morals, ethics and spiritual beliefs, and you will much more likely not deal with regret or guilt. When we violate our core values, it has a ripple effect that can last years.
5) Ask yourself if the situation you find yourself in is a pattern in your life. If so, take measures to break the pattern, but also to respond to the situation in a different way than you have in the past. Changing your response can be the first step towards breaking the pattern.
These are tough times. Make decisions carefully!
In making decisions, here are some things to consider:
1) I am a big believer in getting feedback from those in my life that I trust. We all need to develop at least two or three relationships with people who we know love us and want the best for us. Those who love us enough to be honest with us. My preference is to get feedback from someone who has a close relationship with God and knows and lives by His word.
Getting feedback helps you to see a different perspective. If you were to tell a particular situation to a group of ten people, everyone would have a slightly different take on it. That is a GOOD thing, because we often have tunnel vision in seeing the things we face in our lives. Getting feedback from others gives us a broader perspective and it also may generate solutions that we haven't even thought of before!
2) Don't make decisions hastily. Take your time. If you are making a decision from a place of urgency ("we must file bankruptcy today" or "we have to move to Indiana NOW") then you probably are not working with a clear head. Realize that the vast majority of the decisions that we make don't have to be made TODAY, and if we are having an urgent feeling we are much more likely to make a decision we will regret.
Of course, there are times when we have to decide immediately. All I am saying is to be very careful in rushing to a decision in the midst of a crisis. Whenever possible, take your time and think carefully.
3) Look for all the alternatives in making a decision. Talk with people, both friends and professionals. Ask for information and advice. You will much more likely make a good choice if you are armed with as much information as possible.
4) Ask yourself if the choice you are considering lines up with your moral code, ethical standards, and religious beliefs. In my case, I check my thinking against what the Bible says. If I am not thinking/acting in accordance with my core beliefs, it will be something I will regret down the road.
Be true to good morals, ethics and spiritual beliefs, and you will much more likely not deal with regret or guilt. When we violate our core values, it has a ripple effect that can last years.
5) Ask yourself if the situation you find yourself in is a pattern in your life. If so, take measures to break the pattern, but also to respond to the situation in a different way than you have in the past. Changing your response can be the first step towards breaking the pattern.
These are tough times. Make decisions carefully!
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