When I'm driving on the freeway in thick, thick fog (the kind where you can barely see 1/4 mile ahead of you) it always has a feeling of uncertainty. What if there is an accident ahead that I can't see? What if the fog gets worse up there? Maybe I should get off and wait. But what if just 1/2 mile up the road it is completely clear? What to do. What to do.
I think that there are some things about fog that can be applied to our relationships. Mostly in the area of understand what our partner is thinking, feeling, wanting, or needing.
When there are things in our relationship that cause us issues, it is probably because we "can't see through the fog" and neither can our partner.
Here is an example:
She feels confused and literally "in a fog" as to why he would react so strongly and negatively to her offer of help. On her side of the "fog," she felt compassion and love and care which prompted her to offer help. On his side of the "fog" he feels angry and put down when she offers help.
The only way to break through the fog is to talk it out and see "through the fog" and understand what is on each side of this murky abyss.
Aha, now it makes sense to her why he reacted as he did to her offer of help. He wasn't reacting to her. He was reacting to his dad and the old tapes.
So what is the "fog" in your relationship? When things "don't make sense," try to remember that on your partner's side of the "fog" it makes perfect sense to him/her. Talk about it so that you can peer through the fog and see what is on the other side.
Things that make no sense to us make perfect sense to our partners, and the only way to understand is to communicate.